Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'm a Mom

We got to the hospital and soon after we arrived we realized that B wasn't doing well. We began getting Caroline dressed and ready to go over on one side of the room. As we were putting her dress on I looked over and saw the tears streaming down B's face. I walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. She put her head on my shoulder and just sobbed. It was more than I could bear to see her in such pain. She sobbed because she didn't want to say goodbye to this precious baby but she knew in her heart that it was the right thing for her to do. I did my best to reassure her but in situation like this there really are no words. I told her that we would always talk to Caroline about her and make sure Caroline knew how much she loved her....that this decision didn't have anything to do with the fact that she didn't love her or want her. But it had everything to do with God and HIS plan for Caroline! I promised her while I was sitting with her on the bed that day that we would make sure that Caroline knew that B only wanted what was best for her. Then we just sat there in silence and both cried. There was nothing left to say. It was just so hard. This was the day I was going to have a baby placed in my arms....a day that I had prayed and waited so long for. I should have been jumping for joy. Yet, I had such sadness in my heart for what B was giving up and having to let go of. This back and forth of my emotions....bliss about becoming a mom....sorrow for what B was enduring....was absolutely wearing me out.

We managed to dry our tears...for the moment...and get B's things together. We all walked to the car and headed to the adoption agency. It was quiet in the car on the ride over. What do you say? I remember we were getting close to the agency and I could sense another breakdown coming in my own heart and felt that B must be feeling that way too. I reached back behind my seat and just patted her on the leg. We got to the agency and the ladies there came out and said hello and told us to hang out in the lobby with Caroline while they took B to the back for her paperwork. I asked Stephen to hold Caroline. I remember thinking if we can't take her with us then I cannot be the one to let her go and give her to B. He had to be the strong one. I just paced the lobby and prayed and prayed for B. I asked that God would fill her up with His peace and give her strength like she had never had before. That is what is was going to take to do this. An hour passed by. Then another hour passed by. No one told us that there was a stack of papers to sign and that someone had to talk you through each page and that it would take literally forever. They finally came out and one of the ladies from the agency looked at us and motioned us back. She said, "It's your turn for the paperwork." Stephen gave Caroline to B and she and her mom waited in the lobby while we went to the back. We got to a room and sat down and she smiled and said, "Congratulations, you're parents." Oh.... those words. I could breathe. I could barely sign the paperwork through the tears...this time only tears of joy! We were back there for what seemed like forever too and our cell phones never stopped ringing or receiving texts. We had told our friends and families to pray and that 2:30 would be the time to sign everything at the agency. It was now right at 6:00 and they were getting really worried.

We walked out with B and her mom and got them settled into their car. We gave them big hugs told them to call us when they were ready to come and visit with Caroline. We knew we would be in the state for awhile and knew they would want to visit Caroline as much as possible before we had to go to Tennessee. We drove off and I sat in the back right beside my little girl...I just kept saying, "You're our sweet girl. Do you know what a miracle you are? You're our sweet girl." We of course had a million of phone calls to make to tell everyone that we were indeed parents now and couldn't be happier. We took turns holding Caroline and making calls. We were exhausted. We were ready to collapse and go to sleep. Ha! How ironic that all those times we looked at each other and asked how were we supposed to get any sleep....we did the same thing that night! Only for a different reason. We had a newborn baby and knew we weren't going to sleep any that night. We definitely slept more at peace though knowing that our journey to becoming parents was finally over. And a new journey was about to begin....the journey of raising this precious little girl that God was gracious enough to give us.

Stephen waiting at the agency holding Caroline while I was praying!

Bring Caroline "home" from the agency! Her first home was Drury Inn & Suites!

We decorated our door with a pink bow!

Well, that's all for now. I really could keep writing more of this story but it's time to stop writing this one for now. Because we are going to begin writing a new one....

To be continued...

1 comment:

shanna said...

Seriously, I cant stop crying. I am re-living all of this and stand amazed at God's love and goodness. So thankful for "B" and her love for Caroline and for yours and Stephen's faithfulness, what a testimony for Caroline!